Your flight crew and the "Friendly Skies"

After almost 7 years of going to an airport dressed in a funny uniform, I thought I would recount the usual attention and comments that are passed our way each and every day we go to work. Also, these comments , while taken with a patronizing smile (internal sigh) are very annoying, so this post might serve those traveling on how not to annoy the flight crew before they have even begun flying the airplane.

1. Standing in airport terminal in pilot uniform, question asked.." Are you a Pilot?". Now this is a common one, believe it or not and I usually answer through clenched teeth " Yes...". What I want to say is that I am actually a river boat Captain but I usually hang out at airports because I like to be asked dumb questions.

2. "Where are the bathrooms?" This one usually asked while I am standing under a sign that says Restrooms. Also, don't ask " Is there a place for me to smoke".... I don't know, or care.. When was the last time you saw pilots gathered in a smoking room in uniform dragging away on cigarettes?

3. " Which gate is flight 6523 going out of?" Usually followed with, "how come you don't know, you work here don't you?" Well, technically yes I do work here but I haven't memorized the gate allocations for the thousand departures of each airline today. Call me lazy, but when you ask me this question I am standing underneath a monitor with your flight information on it.

4. Please don't talk to me at the urinal. Ever. For some reason, people are drawn across normal social boundaries when they see someone in uniform.

5. If you see someone in uniform at a hotel don't presume I am a concierge and tell me to get your bags... Oh by the way, I probably will if I get the appropriate tip.

6. Do not get on the airplane and say loud enough for the pilots to hear, " Oh, its one of those small airplanes again!" We're kind of proud of the airplane we fly and its taken lots of poverty and training to get to that plane. Also, that small airplane keeps us alive every day so we kind of have a bond thing going on...

7. "Are you old enough to fly an airplane" Although, I take this obviously as a compliment, its not usually said like this... passengers have a way of relaying their anxiety in snide comments, so this is said to question age over experience. Trust me, I have flown with young and old pilots, age doesn't matter. What you should be asking your pilot in a snide remark is" How will you perform in an emergency situation today sir?" ( I added the sir part by the way..)

8. If you see a Pilot/ Flight Attendant in the back of the airplane traveling with everyone else, it is likely he/she is going to work or coming from work. Either way, this is valuable time to relax and not think about work (hard as it is on an airplane..) Comments such as " How can you fly the plane from back here?" This is usually followed by " Are you a Pilot?" and "What are you doing back here?" Ok, here's a hint. I have noise cancellation headphones on. I am not looking at you. It's not ok to tug my sleeve to get me to answer these questions or fill your time as you didn't BRING ANYTHING TO READ AGAIN ON A FOUR HOUR FLIGHT....

Hope this helps, and by the way... if you do want to ask me anything at the airport, feel free... I am always friendly and professional especially if you ask me what coffee do you want to buy me from Starbucks or what I want for lunch..